Twenty years

We reached twenty years of wedded bliss last week. NB: it’s not so much the wedding per se, but the on-going commitment to each other. It has been tough at times, as is the case in any relationship, but we are still together, and glad to be together, and looking forward to the next twenty years, and hopefully another twenty after that, all going well health-wise.

If you have read Mary Doria Russell’s book, The Sparrow, you may recall that at one point, Anne Edwards, an older woman, reflects on the nature of her marriage of several decades to George. She says that she has been married to several men, but as it turns out, it has always been to the same man. What she means is that over the years both she and her husband have changed, and every ten years or so, they have changed so much that there comes a time when each of them needs to think, do I still want to be married to this person. In her case, as it turns out, each time she has been able to recommit to George. But she sees this as a matter of good fortune, as much as anything else.

Mr Strange Land drives me to frustration, at times. As I am sure I do to him. But having been through some rough times (notably, infertility, and two PhDs, all known marriage breakers), I know that we have been very lucky to have changed and grown in such a way that we can still be together, we can keep on making the commitment to each other, and my life is much the richer for it.

Mr Strange Land and I do not give each other wedding anniversary presents. Our custom is to have a good meal together, either at home, or out, depending, and to buy something together, for us. Even so, the strangelings made a card for us with this Lolcat:

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures


16 responses to “Twenty years

  1. What a wonderful post! Congratulations.

  2. Love the card
    The expression on that cat’s face is classic
    Well done the strangelings

  3. A wonderful card from the strangelings

  4. congrats 20 years is awesome, we just made 12 years and your post is right I arent married to the same person now, we are both different, older more mature etc. love the card too. D

  5. Congratulations. 🙂

  6. Congratulations, lovely people, on sticking it out. Ian and I have been together 19 yrs next month, and he’s been at least 4 people in those years. Makes it interesting but.

  7. In the 35 years Mr Daleaway and I have been together, we have grown together like a wisteria vine winding round a verandah post.
    The trick is to take it in turns being the wisteria or the verandah.

  8. Congrats… we’ve just done a year co-habituating and what a year it’s been.

  9. That first year is very difficult. It’s the year of big adjustments, of learning to live very intimately with another person, of making real space in your life. We’ve had tough years at various times – the eleventh and nineteenth years weren’t so crash hot either, because of reasons – but that first year was a tricky one.

    It was also the year in which I found out that Mr Strange Land rather liked Star Trek, as did I. We had previously hidden this from each other.

  10. Congratulations! The boy and I will have been together 10 years this year – so far we are both the same people, though obviously much more boring than we were pre-baby.

  11. Congratulations. Twenty years together is definitely worth celebrating – I hope you do something/go somewhere very nice to mark the occasion.

    My husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage next anniversary and usually celebrate as you do – with a nice meal somewhere or a joint household purchase. This year we were on holidays so we just had a modest little family BBQ, but next year we’ll do something special.

  12. Happy Anniversary!

    I have been married fifteen years. I have probably changed in significant ways, but I don’t feel like my husband is a different man than the one I married. Or maybe I’m just not very perceptive. 😉

  13. Thanks for this lovely post, and congratulations.

  14. An electronic toast to Mr Strangeland & you.

    No relationship ever goes smoothly all the time, but with a little luck and lots of laughter & love the good times more than make up for the bad.

    We’re celebrating our 27th anniversary this week although like you won’t be making a big fuss.

    My farmer reckons it’s better to know you’re loved every day rather than just once a year 🙂

  15. What a lovely post. And congratulations both.