Bad blog space

It’s been a winter of discontent for me. I think the reality of being in a strange land has hit home, especially with the deaths of people in my family, and the poignancy of losses elsewhere. I’ve been working, in paid employment, and while that has been nice for us (it pays for lessons – ballet, drama, piano, singing), it has sapped my energy. (The work itself was very, very enjoyable.) But today I taught my last tutorial for the semester, and for reasons (TM), I don’t intend to look for paid work again until next year, so for the next few months, I am quite at leisure, aside from the usual housewifery and caring for my beloved daughters.

I have also been somewhat, or indeed a lot, occupied by singing. I’m enjoying it so much. Perhaps it’s the sheer joy of finding something new to do. Or perhaps it’s the delight of finding that something that I thought I might be able to do really is something that I am capable of. NOT that I am the next Cecilia Bartoli (who is, in any case, a few months younger than me, so I would be hard put to be the next one). But I can sing, in tune, and in reasonable voice, over a reasonable range. (This is not false modesty: I really do have no more than a reasonable voice.) My teacher is urging me to sing in his end of year concert, but I am not sure of my abilities yet. I confessed to him that I was scared to do it, that I didn’t trust myself. He scoffed, loudly. “But you lecture at university,” he said, “to large groups of students.” Well yes, I thought, but that’s easy. Singing is altogether too new and too precious to me to venture it in front of an audience of strangers.

So between singing and discontent and the time taken up by work, I have not been in much of a mood to blog. I have plenty of ideas! But I lack the energy, and the time, to write about them. However, I’m hoping to get two posts up next week, one about “Re-imagining work”, and one where I admit that “Craig was right.” I’ll be saying that latter one very quietly indeed.

In the meantime, I’m off to Canberra for the weekend, to stay with a beloved, newly-single friend, and celebrate her birthday with her. I have had a winter of discontent; she has had the winter from hell. I am so looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, and to just being with her for a couple of days. She’s planning to make me walk up mountains (‘though in the old country we would call them hills). I’m sure it will be good for me.


8 responses to “Bad blog space

  1. You could just get really pissed before the concert? Perhaps you should have gotten up the front at karaoke – that seems to help people get over their singing inhibitions pretty quickly. Maybe you just hadn’t had enough to drink 😉

  2. Keep at the singing, just don’t allow yourself to be forced to go public till you almost feel ready
    I have just been in Canberra, first time away from NZ , loved it, the people and the surroundings
    The hills when combined with the heat are serious walks
    We went further west, I saw a sign post that pointed to Adelaide 650Km and thought of you
    It is a big country

  3. Arggh I’ve been going through a bit of blog dry spell. I have heaps of half-finished posts and ideas but the words aren’t coming.

    Btw if you haven’t already, do check out young@heart for some inspiration on the singing front.

  4. It’s tough, adjusting to life elsewhere. NZ and Aus are pretty similar (especially smaller cities like Adelaide), but there are important differences. It took me a couple of years – I remember flying into Wellington once and not feeling as if I was coming ‘home’, and realising the balance had shifted. Also, not feeling so defensive about things happening in NZ is another sign, I think, that you’re distancing yourself.

  5. Oh, singing is marvellous, and I’m glad that you are discovering your singing ability. There is nothing like busting out a tune because you are happy (or sad) and knowing that you have nothing to be ashamed of if overheard.

    I hope the run up to summer improves the mood as well as the weather.

  6. Take care and wonderful news about the singing. you don’t need to perform or go public – just enjoy it FOR YOU.

    I have been stock takign in my lofe too for similars reasons (the same loss and my forthcoming move) It make blogging hard

  7. I’ve been really lucky to be able to take some time off from my work this year to write and I found it wonderful! It did take a good couple of months to relax into it tho. Stetch it out for as long as you can I say! Have fun with your singing, sometimes it’s good to push yourself out of your comfort zone but not if it makes you miserable.